TEACH PEOPLE TO TREAT YOU WITH RESPECT WITH THESE TIPS

 

Written by Joy Onovo

 

“Strong women are often perceived as cold and mean simply because they refused to be disrespected, mistreated or taken for granted” – Word Porn

 

When it comes to teaching people especially adults, words alone don’t cut it. sometimes you have to keep quiet, and let your actions do the talking.

In this post, I’ll be basing most of my points on how you act especially when you are around people, and how it can be received or reciprocated.

 

Some of you might already know the angle to this post, especially if you have been reading my previous posts. I’m going to give you context, and a few examples here and there from my own personal story.

 

I want to start with a personal story about my own experience.

 

I have this close family friend who always came around the house because we had some unfinished deals, and as a result of her frequent visitations, I would say knew me down to my panties!

 

In fact, whenever she came around, she would always make it a point of duty to snoop and observe what should and shouldn’t be around my home. She would subtly complain about my parenting style, or how I was handling my staff. Always one complains or the other, but so subtle and expertly done and not enough to spark any reactions from me.

 

This of course made me quite uncomfortable but for some reasons (which I would share later), I couldn’t talk about it.

 

Because of how shabby and disorganized I was at the time (not any more though). This made me lack so much confidence in myself.

 

She would always make it a habit to litter my home with whatever that should have had a business with the trash can.

 

After one particular visit, I noticed that she had cleaned her ears and dropped the cotton bud on my living room floor.

 

I only noticed this after she left, and I was deeply angered and wondered why a grown adult would do such!

 

For Christ Sake, I had a toddler who could have picked things like this and put into her mouth.

 

This particular person treated her own home and space with so much care and you dare not do such in her home.

 

My first inclination was to call her immediately and give her a piece of my mind. But on a second thought, I sat down and asked myself why people should be comfortable acting less than their best around me.

 

I realized it was even deeper than I thought. I was always taken for granted, and the hard truth was that I was responsible for a large part of it.

I was able to sieve out my loopholes and those are the points I’m going to be sharing with you going forward.

 

So dears, brace yourself up for this emotional roller coaster of an article as I show you how to teach people how to treat you with respect!

 

“Stop asking why they keep doing it and start asking why you keep allowing it” – Word Porn

 

1. TREAT YOURSELF WITH THE HIGHEST FORM OF RESPECT

 

How do you treat yourself with respect?

 

I wrote a detailed article on how to prioritise yourself, but I’m still going to reiterate some points here in case you do not get to read it.

 

In plain English, giving yourself the best of treatment and experience. Saying kind things to yourself, give yourself the best of services you expect from others, prioritizing self-care and being honest with yourself.

 

Caring for your self is the highest form of respect. This is why I will always lay so much emphasis on self-care.

 

My Coach in one of our sessions shared a very profound lesson with me. I say profound because when I compared what she said with my life then, the opposite was probably going to be the case.

 

She talked about a time she and her group of friends were going to attend a program out of town, and they decided to check into a hotel. She kept on going for the best (a five-star hotel), and the rest tried to make her change this choice even when they all could clearly afford it.

She insisted, and said something that caught my interest. She said, and I quote “why would I treat myself to something less when I treat myself with even more honour and respect in my home?”.

That was such a profound statement!

So, because her home life was already a luxury experience, coming down on that standard was going to be stepping down away from what she was already used to.

I must say I was very impressed with that lesson.

To wrap up this point I would say, don’t wait around for special occasions before you accord yourself the love and respect you deserve.

 

2. HAVE INTEGRITY

 

 

Always live in accordance with your values and morals. Integrity is highly valued and it’s a great attribute to have and encourage. It is very easy to live life without values like integrity, and integrity can be difficult to maintain. But when people can associate you with a value like integrity, then your respect grows in their eyes.

Integrity and honesty go hand in hand. A woman of integrity values herself because you are not compromising of who you are to please anyone.

People will end up trusting and relying on you more. You will be able to grow good relationships, and respect automatically follows.

 

 

3. DON’T GIVE PEOPLE TOO MUCH ACCESS TO YOUR TIME AND SPACE

As proud as this may sound, it does work the magic. In a typical Nigerian colloquium, we say ‘avoid see finish’. I just chuckled while typing that.

See finish is a situation where by someone has had too much access to you well enough to know your flaws and can use it either against you or to disrespect you in any way, shape or form.

Just like the example I shared at the beginning of the article. That is a typical case of see finish. The person will not have so much regard for your time or presence.

When people don’t see your time, presence and input as valuable, of course they tend to abuse it because… what is there to lose?

Limit too much access to you. If possible, pretend to be busy, so that people take your time seriously.

Don’t be too available especially with your presence. I am in no way saying you shouldn’t show up for your friends and loved once when they need you, but know when people are taking your presence for granted and limit their access. Don’t overshare information about your life.

It wouldn’t be out of place to say ‘maintain an air of mystery ‘ in as much as people tend to abuse the statement, but I hope you get what I mean.

 

4. SET CLEAR BOUNDARIES

People should not come around you to behave as it pleases them. There should be rules. One way to control how people act around you is to set clear boundaries.

You can communicate those boundaries either with your words or actions.

Let people know that if they must have any relationship or dealings with you, not all behaviour is accepted.

 

Set the atmosphere for how people act around you. Let your values, beliefs and rules be glaring enough so that people know what to expect when they come around you.

 

RELATED POST: The Reality of Personal Development

 

5. DON’T ARGUE TO PROOF A POINT

If you always argue endlessly for meaningless things, then people are slowly going to loose their respect for you. If people don’t get you, they probably wouldn’t get it even if you write a full script essay.

You have nothing to prove to anyone who would not want to have a sane and meaningful discussion.

If you respect your sanity, people will learn to accord the same respect. If you start fighting people’s perception of you, you will never stop.

There will always be someone who mis-perceives, mis-understands or mis-interprets what you say and then challenge you to prove them wrong. It’s exhausting, don’t do it!

 

 

 

6. DON’T BE A PEOPLE’S PLEASER

This is one of the most insane things to be. I am saying this from a place of understanding.

This is one of the greatest ways to stifle your emotional growth. People pleasers value other people’s emotions over their own.

They will rather take whatever treatment that is thrown at them just to make the other party feel good. When people know that you will take anything they throw at you without reacting to hurt their feelings, they will always treat you with disrespect because there are no consequences.

Do not treat people nice at your own expense. Being miss ‘nice lady’ will not work to your benefit, whereas kindness does. Learn the difference!

 

 

 

7. MAKE SURE YOUR ACTIONS MATCHES YOUR WORDS

When you say that you will do something and eventually do it, the level of trust and respect people have for you will increase. Because of how powerful words are, never use them carelessly.

Don’t speak words to people if you do not mean them. Don’t make promises you cannot fulfill. When you eventually make those promises, see to it that you fulfill them.

If for any reason you cannot meet up with what you said, make sure to communicate clearly to the other party.

 

People will automatically learn to respect you because they know you are reliable and trustworthy.

 

 

 

8. TREAT PEOPLE LIKE YOU WOULD WANT THEM TO TREAT YOU

If you do all I have outlined above and you still move around with a nasty attitude and treat people like trash, chances are that you will only be feared but not be respected. There is a difference!

For example, If you hate when people are late for an appointment, try to show up on time yourself.

If you don’t like people gossiping around you, try not to join in the gossip and make people uncomfortable to do such around you. Honour goes both ways. To be respected, you have to treat others with respect.

 

9. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS

You cannot expect respect when your nose is in other people’s business. If you look around your own life, there are a thousand and one things to improve your life with that will need your time.

 

It is often said that one of the reasons why we get too involved with other people’s business is because we are too afraid to face our insecurities and deal with them. Instead, we make our selves feel good by pointing out what should and shouldn’t be in other people’s lives.

 

If we focus that energy used in tending to other people’s businesses on our own selves, our lives will be far better than what it already is, and people will learn to respect us because of it.

 

 

 

10. KNOW WHEN TO DETACH

The highest form of respect you can gift yourself is to know when to take a walk form a toxic environment.

Be it romantic relationships or any other forms of relationships. Know when to exit an environment that does not value your time, input and presence. We can only teach people how to treat us, but we cannot force them.

 

Detachment especially when it is needed is the highest form of self-respect. Stay away from whatever does not bring you peace and honour.

 

 

 

I hope you enjoyed this post and learned a thing or two. If you think missed out on some points, kindly share your thoughts by commenting.

Untill my next post, Stay blessed.

 

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