Feeling lost in the demands of Motherhood? This is how to overcome the overwhelm of Motherhood and find joy again.
Motherhood, though fulfilling, is very demanding. The pressure to be perfect, constant needs of children, sleep loss, and identity shifts can all contribute to feeling overwhelmed.
A quick story, i bumped into Sarah, my neighbour who has 3 kids aged 3 and 2 years old and just had a six week old baby. I looked at her and couldn’t even recognise her.
Her hair was a mess, and she had dark circles under her eyes. I approached her and we had a conversation and she opened up on all she was going through and it was a lot.
Where was the vibrant, energetic woman who used to spend her weekends exploring art galleries and meeting friends for brunch?
In her own words. “I feel lost, i look in the mirror and don’t even recognise myself”. I miss my old life, the things I used to do before the kids came.
I had to encourage her that things will get better. She just had to find a way to be a mom and be happy at the same time. It felt hard, but I hoped, just a little bit, that she would make the needed changes in her life for the better.
I found other mothers, same experience, same story. I began to look for answers. How do we change the narrative? How can these women find joy again and rediscover their purpose in life?
So I compiled this, to help you find your way through this feeling of being overwhelmed and get back to enjoying being a mum. This is a place where you’ll find simple, real steps to help you go from just getting by to actually feeling good again.
Let’s Talk About Why You Feel So Overwhelmed
1. “Super Mum” Mentality
Society often paints a picture of the “Super Mum”, a woman who effortlessly balances motherhood and life with amazing energy and skill.
This myth suggests that a “super” mother should:
- Be constantly available and attentive: Always present, always engaged, and always attuned to her children’s every need, often at the expense of her own.
- Manage a spotless home: Maintain a perfectly clean and organised living space, regardless of the demands of childcare.
- Prepare nutritious meals: Cook healthy, balanced, and often elaborate meals from scratch, catering to everyone’s preferences.
- Be actively involved in every aspect of her children’s lives: Attend all school events, volunteer actively, organise enriching activities, and ensure their children are not lacking intellectually.
- Maintain a successful career: Effortlessly balance professional responsibilities with motherhood, excelling in both without showing signs of strain.
- Look put-together and well groomed: Despite the lack of sleep and constant demands, the “Super Mum” often appears stylish and composed.
- Be patient, calm, and loving at all times: One who rarely loses her temper, always responds with gentle understanding, and never shows signs of frustration or exhaustion.
- Have a strong romantic relationship: Nurture her relationship with her partner while simultaneously managing all the demands of motherhood.
- Engage in Self-Care (but only if it doesn’t interfere with her other duties)
That image we often have in our heads of the “Super Mum” isn’t real. It’s an idea that’s impossible to reach. You can’t do everything perfectly. Totally impossible.
The internet and our old traditions are not helping matters at all. They portray mothers in their best moments, but in real life, there are ups and downs.
So, even though we know it’s not really possible, we still try really hard to be that perfect mum. We look at other mums, especially online, and think, “Wow, they seem to have it all, they are doing it, why can’t I?” .
This makes us feel bad about ourselves because we’re comparing our real, messy lives to these impossible standards.
The truth is that motherhood is messy, it’s tiring, and it’s definitely not always picture perfect. We’re all just doing our best, day by day. So let go of this narrative. It’s not showing you the reality.
2. Constant Demand
In the early years of motherhood, there is always a huge chain of demands from kids. Children by nature have a trailer load of physical and emotional needs that require your constant attention and energy. They are entirely dependent on you for everything.
It is a 24/7 reality that can make mothers feel emotionally and physically drained while juggling the hustle of the day.
From infancy characterised by round the clock feeding (whether breast or bottle), frequent diaper changes, constant holding and comforting, burping, bathing, dressing, and ensuring a safe sleep environment to toddler-hood, when the demands shift and lessen.
Now you have to prepare and feed them multiple meals and snacks, assisting with dressing, constant supervision to ensure safety etc.
Even with older kids in school, the demands shift but don’t disappear, mothers are still involved in helping with homework, preparing school lunches, driving to activities, managing illnesses, and providing general physical care and support.
You know that constant running around we do as mums? It can really catch up to you, leaving you constantly tired, your body aching, and just when you think you can finally rest, boom! There’s always something else that needs doing.
There are no scheduled breaks, no weekends off especially in the early years. Even when a child is sleeping, a mother’s mind is often still “on,” anticipating the next need.
This can lead to Emotional burnout, stress, loss of self and difficulty setting boundaries.
3. Isolation and Lack of support
For a mother, the absence of support is incredibly frustrating. Carrying the entire weight of motherhood alone leads to loneliness and isolation. This isn’t just about the physical tasks, though those are often numerous and exhausting. It’s about the emotional and mental burden too.
Without a partner that shares the responsibility or family members offering support, you can feel that there is no one who truly understands the challenges you face, no one to share your small victories with. This can make one feel isolated as if you are the only person in the world.
Despite the fact that she has her kids, the constant giving, endless decisions, and feeling solely responsible can create a deep emotional gap. It’s not just about needing rest; it’s about wanting someone to share the load, offer understanding and lend a helpful hand.
This lack of support can cause resentment, anxiety, and even depression, making the good times feel less joyful and the hard times overwhelming.
Finding Joy & Less Overwhelm: Real Solutions for Mums
1. Prioritize
Yes, as a mum, there are endless things you have to do, keep the house spotless, cook every meal, attend every school event, work extra hours, and have perfectly behaved kids all the time. But trying to do everything will leave you feeling completely drained and overwhelmed.
You need to prioritize, what are the things that truly need your attention at the moment?. Learn to say “No” to things that are not essentials. Focus on the things that really matter for your well-being and your family’s core needs.
Ditch the “super Mum” ,mentally. This is the key to being able to “prioritize” without feeling guilty or like you’re failing. Trying to be perfect is exhausting. Letting go of that pressure frees up your energy for the things that truly matter.
When you’re not so focused on perfection, you can actually be present and enjoy the little moments of joy in motherhood.
Be gentle with yourself, know your boundaries, and use your energy on what really counts for your family. Make choices that truly benefit you and your loved ones, even if some things have to wait.
2. It’s okay not to be Perfect
Give yourself permission to be human. It means accepting that life won’t always be smooth, messes are inevitable, and you don’t need to be perfect. It’s about saying, “I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.”
Let’s say you’re trying to keep your white clothes perfectly clean when you have young children running around. It’s a lost course, right?
Accept that there might be a little stain here and there, and that’s just part of life with kids. It doesn’t mean you stop trying to keep things clean, but you don’t beat yourself up over every little mark.
Honestly, look at what you can realistically do in a day, a week, or even just an hour, especially with the demands of motherhood. You are one person. You can’t be in two places at once, and you can’t do everything for everyone all the time.
When you set realistic goals and achieve them, you feel a sense of accomplishment, which boosts your mood and confidence.
Kids are kids. They will have tantrums, make messes, and not always cooperate. Expecting them to be perfectly behaved all the time is not possible. Focusing on guiding them rather than demanding perfection.
Embracing imperfection isn’t quitting; it’s being wise and gentle with yourself in this tough motherhood journey. It’s finding peace and knowing your best is always enough.
3. Seek and Accept Support
Asking for help and accepting support is very important. It’s about understanding you don’t have to be the only one carrying the weight and being willing to receive help in whatever way it’s offered.
Carrying it alone will make you exhausted and give you pain. But if you have others who can help, even just a little bit, the burden becomes much lighter.
For any mothers, asking for help can be very difficult. It may make you feel inadequate and that you are a failure, incompetent and not cut out to be a mother. Who says so?
Yes, asking for help makes you vulnerable. It means acknowledging that you’re struggling and need assistance, which can feel uncomfortable or even shameful for some.
But asking for help as an act of strength and self-care, rather than weakness. It shows you are self-aware and committed to you and your family’s well-being.
Be Specific About Your Needs. Instead of a vague “I need help,” try to be specific about what you need. For example, “Could you watch Leo for an hour so I can take a shower?” or “Would you be willing to pick up groceries this week?” Clear requests are often easier for others to fulfil.
You may also hesitate to ask for help because you don’t want to inconvenience or burden others. Who says so..
Think of the positive outcome of getting support. It can reduce your stress levels, improve your mood, allow you to be more present with your children, and definitely, make you a happy parent.
4. Build a Support Network
Connecting with other mothers is an important part of this road to finding joy because they get it in a way that others don’t.
These are the people you can lean on, share experiences with, get advice from, and simply feel less alone with. They understand the sleepless nights, the feeding struggles, the joy of first smiles, and the constant mental load that comes with raising children.
You may say there is no time for time. Please make time. It will help with your emotional well being. Go on play dates with each other’s kids, shopping and dinner dates.
You might be surprised how you will build genuine friendships that will provide the much needed interaction and remind you that you’re not alone in this journey.
Look for local mother and baby groups offline. Join online forums and social media groups specifically for mothers. Ask questions, share experiences, and connect with them and build a strong support system.
5. Rediscover your Identity outside of Motherhood
Think back to who you were before you became a mum.
What did you enjoy doing? What were you passionate about? What made you feel like you? Maybe you were a keen painter, a bookworm, a lover of hiking, a volunteer in your community, or someone who enjoyed quiet evenings with music.
Go back to your hobbies and passions. Making space in your life for those things that nourish your soul and remind you of who you are outside of caring for your children.
Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. It is an important step during this journey of rediscovering who you are and finding happiness.
So dear mum, remember that even amidst the beautiful chaos, you are strong, you are capable, and you are deeply loved.
This journey of motherhood is a marathon, not a sprint, filled with both challenges and immeasurable joy.
Be kind to yourself, embrace the imperfections, and know that with each small step you take towards nurturing your own well-being, you are not only rediscovering your joy but also building a stronger, happier foundation for your entire family. You’ve got this.
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