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HOW TO BUILD YOUR SELF WORTH WHEN NO ONE TAUGHT YOU HOW OR MODELLED IT TO YOU

This topic is one that deeply resonates with me. I had always struggled with low self esteem for a very long time and looking back to how far I have come and how my high sense of esteem and self worth has been a major ingredient to my growth, I am filled with so much gratitude.

You see, apart from the fear of ‘what people will say’, one of the forces holding us back from becoming all that God has created us to be is our very low self worth and self esteem.

No one is born with a high or low self worth, but the way we perceive ourselves is influenced by environmental factors that we’ve picked up along the course of our lives.

I had always connected my lack of a healthy self esteem to the absence of a mother, but now that I’m in a better position to objectively observe, I’ve come to realize that even adults with a present model lack this self esteem that I so much seek.

On the other hand, there are the lucky few who were blessed enough to have someone show them the way and ram in words of affirmation at every given opportunity into their subconscious.

This later group are often seen with a very high sense of self worth and self esteem.

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Ever come across someone who feels and thinks so highly of herself that the mere presence of her can somewhat feel intimidating if you lack such trait yourself?

I tend to use the term self worth and self esteem interchangeably, but there is a distinctive difference between the two.

With self esteem, our evaluation and perception of self is dependent on external metrics. How well we did at a game, or outstanding we are as a parent or how high performing we are at our jobs.

Self worth on the other hand is a belief that you lovable, deserving and valuable regardless of performance, perception or appearance.

In simple terms, self esteem, is superficial whereas self worth is deep. Self esteem comes from the outside-in while self worth comes from the inside-out.

I would say that self worth is a more stable option because regardless of people’s opinions, perception or stances, you still feel valuable and unshaken, whereas self esteem can take a nose dive if people’s perception of you was in the negative or if your performance suddenly is not up to par.

With that being said, lets dive right into how you can grow and nurture your self worth even if no one held you by the hands and showed you how to value yourself.

1. THE POWER LIES IN YOUR HANDS

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First off, understand that someone can actually introduce you to what self esteem or self worth is, but only you have the power to nurture and grow it. Understand that the power lies in your hands and no one has the monopoly of good fortune.

The universe is kind enough to present a level playing ground for all in the form of opportunities or experiences.

It is now left for you to decide what to do with it. One may look at a cup of water as half empty, to another person, it is half full.

If an opportunity to rewrite you story is entirely in another man’s hand, you would be left with no other option but to throw in the towel and just accept whatever life throws at you.

But the good thing is that it lies within you and that gives you control to rewrite whatever story you want.

2. REASSESS YOUR INNER VOICE

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Growing up, I was very cautious and critical of my self. Even when I did something outstanding as a child, I would always beat myself up.

This, I later found out was so because the adults I had around while growing up would hardly praise or encourage me. I was always blamed or scolded for one thing or the other. I was just never good enough even when I did better than my peers.

This later became my inner voice. Voice of doubt, fear, especially fear of the unknown or what people will say or think of me.

If your inner voice is always that of fear or doubt, chances are that your self worth will be skewed. Because you don’t feel good enough or deserving enough, you with hold yourself even in situations where you should probably have aced it.

People with a good sense of self worth speak encouraging things to themselves and go ahead to do unimaginable things because they first of all believed they could even before anyone else believed in them.

This is why words of affirmations are very powerful and important because they serve as reminders to us for what we truly are and deserving of.

3. IGNORE THE NAYSAYERS

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Because self worth comes from within, you have to learn to block out negative opinions from external sources. You must be ready to build a strong resolve that can withstand whatever negativity and rise above the dust.

Toxic people can affect your progress if you allow them. The world of course is full of naysayers. We come across them in every spheres of our lives. They are present in our family, circle of friends, working place and even in our places of worship.

It is now left for you to build that inner defense and a voice that can counter their utterances.

4. PRIORITIZE SELF CARE

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People who have a high sense of self worth feel good and alive on the inside and outside. How do they do this? Self care!

Self care is the way we can show love to ourselves! Pause to think about it. If you feel you are valuable and deserving of everything worthy, you wouldn’t hesitate to prove it to yourself by treating your self to something good.

If you know anything that will be detrimental to your well being and growth, self care says DON’T DO IT!

If eating junk food in front of your television at 10 pm in the night is going to stifle your growth, self care says DON’T DO IT

There are so many ways to care for yourself, and I’ve taken out time to outline easy to do ones here. See them as inspiration, and get that self care wheel rolling.

To feel good on the outside, we have to feel good on the inside and self care does the trick.

5. ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITIES

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Responsibilities are a prove that you can handle life challenges gracefully and maturely without shying away from them.

Accepting responsibility is a form of growth. People with self worth embrace growth by taking responsibility either for actions, or for activities.

Shying away from responsibility either due to fear or doubt results in self doubt and the best way to combat self doubt is to step out of your comfort zone and do the work.

6. BROADEN YOUR KNOWLEDGE

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There is this sense of pride that comes when you are well read and experienced in different aspects of life. This can only be made possible when you make a conscious effort to learn even outside the four walls of the university.

Learning never ends, and the best way to nurture self worth is to continue learning.

Thank God for the various resources available to us on the internet, with that, learning is just at your finger tips.

Another good way to broaden your knowledge base is to travel often if you have the resource.

Travelling is a great form of learning because you get to experience first hand what you have been reading on paper. I am in no way saying that all travelers have a high sense of self worth, but simply saying that when you expand your knowledge, your self worth grows.

With knowledge and consistent learning, your sense of self worth soars and self doubt is stifled.

7. IMPROVE YOUR LOOKS

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As much as we hate to admit it, properly looking and well dressed people receive better treatment. The harsh truth is that people will always judge a book by its cover. People see you before they hear you, and are not patient enough to get close to you before they discover who you really are.

There are so many things that can disqualify you from certain opportunities in life. Things like your ethnicity, upbringing or family background may be part of the list. These are of course things that you cannot change. For the things you can control, you have to decide that they will never make the list. things like your appearance, diction and composure are worth paying attention to.

The good feeling that comes with taking care of yourself is undeniable. Your confidence soars and in turn, your self esteem is enhanced. The world always smells better when you have good perfume on.

Our appearance is definitely within our control, when we improve our looks, our self worth and esteem is boosted.

8. DON’T GIVE UP

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In your journey to building your self-worth, self-esteem and self-awareness, one thing you should never do is throw in the towel. Situations and experiences will always come up to test your resolution. But one thing is for sure, if you keep at it and not give up, your low self esteem story will be a thing of the past.

People who have high self esteem are constantly rising above the challenges and criticism. You can always tell from how decisive and trusting they are of themselves.

Even if they don’t get it right at first, they always have a way of picking themselves up and keeping at it.

This should be you and your story.

You can do it friend. I’m so glad you were able to read up to this point.

I hope you find all the courage and inspiration you need to value yourself and build your self worth.

Anuri's Journey

HOW TO BUILD YOUR SELF WORTH AND SELF ESTEEM