How to be unbothered in the context of this blog does not connote how to be snobby, bitchy or rude. These words are often associated with the word ‘unbothered’, but in this article, we will touch on the true meaning of being unbothered, and how being unbothered especially about things that don’t matter can be a plus to your life and goals.
In our fast-paced, modern world, it’s easy to find ourselves consumed by the trivialities of everyday life. From minor inconveniences to petty disagreements, these things can create unnecessary stress and even rob us of our inner peace that we so crave to have.
But what if we could learn to be unbothered by the things that don’t matter? Things that stand in our way of enjoying that inner peace and living a more fulfilled live.
In this blog post, we’ll explore the art of letting go and embracing a more relaxed and content way of life.
But first,
WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE UNBOTHERED
Being “unbothered” means that you are not affected or disturbed by external influences, criticism, or negative situations. It implies a sense of inner calm and confidence, where you remain composed and undisturbed by things that might typically upset or agitate others.
It has nothing to do with a snobby person with a character flaw!
MASTERING THE ART OF BEING UNBOTHERED: LETTING GO OF THE THINGS THAT DON’T MATTER
To master the art and maybe science of being unbothered, I have crafted out 13 good lifestyle habits you can learn and practice, that can help you stay away from bad energies that do not serve you or your goals.
Not to sound overly complicating when I said ‘science’, but it takes a whole lot of intentionality to be an unbothered individual in the world that we live in today. In no particular order, here are 13 habits that will help you become unbothered of things that does not bring you joy and fulfillment.
13 HABITS THAT WILL HELP YOU BECOME UNBOTHERED OF THINGS THAT DOES NOT BRING YOU JOY AND FULFILLMENT
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IDENTIFY WHAT TRULY MATTERS
The first step in mastering the art of being unbothered is to identify what truly matters in your life. Take a moment to reflect on your values, goals, and priorities. What are the things that bring you joy, fulfillment, and purpose? These are the aspects of your life that deserve your time and attention.
It will do you no good spending time on trivialities that does not add to your life, dissipating your energies on activities and people that do not contribute to the important areas of your life, when you can channel that energy to growing the core aspects of your life.
So, the first step to living an unbothered existence is to sit down and identify those areas of your life that will add more value, beauty and fulfillment to you if showered with attention.
A typical example of the core areas of our lives that can bring us joy are; Personal development, family, business and career, hobbies etc.
Without intending to criticize anyone, it never ceases to amaze me how much emphasis is placed on celebrities, with individuals becoming preoccupied with the personal lives of well-known figures and meticulously following their every move, all the while neglecting their own personal growth and development.
Consider the significant amount of time that is potentially squandered on monitoring the life of another individual and engaging in online debates about every detail related to that person, rather than channeling that energy towards more productive and meaningful pursuits.
When you identify what truly matters in your life and stick to your purpose, that is the very first step to truly being an unbothered person.
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BE CONTENT AND ACCEPT YOUR IMPERFECTIONS
Perfectionism often leads to frustration and anxiety over the small imperfections in life. To be unbothered, it’s important to accept that no one, including yourself, is perfect. Embrace the beauty of imperfection and realize that the pursuit of perfection in insignificant matters is a fruitless endeavor.
Understand that it is in your imperfections that you stand out unique. I will always use the dimples on our cheeks as a typical example. Medically, dimples are said to be an anomaly in the muscles of the cheek that causes a dent when the person smiles. But because of the value people have placed upon it, they are now seen as an added aesthetics to ones facial features and serves as a beauty symbol.
In Nigeria, diastema, commonly referred to as ‘gap tooth’, is also considered a symbol of beauty. These instances illustrate how what were once regarded as flaws are now embraced and celebrated due to the significance attributed to them.
Similarly, rather than dwelling on your own imperfections and yearning to be someone else who may also grapple with their own insecurities, why not commemorate your distinctiveness and authenticity and concentrate on harnessing your strengths?
Practicing contentment should be our daily lifestyle and this will help us see the good in everything we are blessed with.
One of the kind things I always say to myself to boost my confidence is “anyone taller than me is too tall, anyone shorter than me is too short. I am the perfect creation!”
There is no other “ME” in this world.
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CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES
Not everything is worth your time and energy. Learn to pick your battles wisely. Ask yourself if a particular issue or concern is truly worth getting worked up about. Most often, you’ll find that many things simply aren’t worth the time and even emotional investment.
If something is within your power to change, then you should change it. But if it is not within your power of influence, worrying or stressing over it will not make any difference. Rather it will build up anxiety and that is not a good thing.
One of the things I do when I catch myself in the anxiety rut is to pray. It really works wonders!
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanks giving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” – Philippians 4:6
You can also practice meditation to help you with anxiety. it will help clear your mind of worries and release you of the emotional burden that has built up inside you.
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PAY ATTENTION TO ENERGIES AROUND YOU AND HOW IT AFFECTS YOUR MOOD
If you are like me, with a very sensitive antenna to mood, feelings and energies, you will already know where I’m going with this point. Have you ever walked into a room, or found yourself within a group of people and felt some kind of way that you can’t quit pin point? It’s probably because your goals and energies does not align. You often find yourself struggling to blend in or even understand what is being said or done.
If you ever feel some kind of way about a certain person, thing or place, or maybe even a decision. Then you should pay very close attention to it and filter out the odd.
If keeping a certain company of friends is competing with your peace or even growth, then you should most likely stay away from such environment or people.
To be unbothered is to be protective of the kind of people, environment or things you expose yourself to.
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STAY AWAY FROM UNHEALTHY COMPETITION
Competitions can be healthy or unhealthy depending on the end goal that it tends to achieve. So many sports are healthy competitions that fosters community growth and builds a spirit of sportsmanship. But a competition is termed unhealthy when the goals are more for personal and trivial gains that only exists to massage egos and public recognition.
You will agree with me that those kinds can be very draining and can creep into other areas of your life that would have been productive if given the needed attention.
Take for instance, competition between two sisters for the love of their parents. One of them or if not both will not be living in their true purpose because they are seeking for validation and recognition from their parents.
So, in a bid to please, they would rather shrink their own needs and wants just to appear right and win the ‘best child’ trophy. I don’t know if this illustration did justice to this point, but I hope you get the gist.
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LET GO OF CONTROL
Trying to control everything can be so draining. You are not God. Even if you were, you have to let people especially adults do what they want to do. Control freaks always come across as overbearing and not fun to be with.
As a wife and a mother, I often find myself trying to control every thing that everyone does and in return doing myself the greatest disservice of stressing over trivial things. But when I came to the realization that children learn especially by exploring and trying out new things, and that I am giving off the mother vibes when I try to control my spouse, I had to take a step back and let the people I love do them.
Now, I am not saying that as a parent you should watch your kids put their hands into fire and not try to stop them. No that’s besides the point. All I’m saying is that you cannot be all knowing and all powerful in other people’s lives. You must not always have the final says when it comes to people or their decisions.
You can advise every now and then, but you cannot enforce your decisions and stances on others. Understand that things would not always turn out the way you planned or envisaged. When it does, praise be to God. When it doesn’t, no need to overthink it. Keep it moving.
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CULTIVATE SELF COMPASSION
Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with the same empathy and compassion you would offer to a friend. When you make a mistake or encounter a minor setback, remind yourself that it’s all part of the human experience, and it’s not worth dwelling on.
To be unbothered to not to be too hard on yourself. Some of us are not forgiving of ourselves especially when we fall short of our expectation. I know of a friend who haven’t forgiven herself for a mistake she made in her high school. She is well into her thirties, but something she didn’t do right as a teen is still taking a toll on her and her growth.
An unbothered person understands that she cannot change the past, but can make her present decisions influence her future, and hence that is what she focuses on.
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LET YOUR RESULT DO THE TALKING
I have a deep admiration for individuals who exemplify a preference for action over mere words. There’s something truly captivating about those who embody this approach to life. These people are characterized by their authenticity and integrity; they never utter words they don’t mean, and their promises hold weight because they genuinely intend to fulfill them.
What sets them apart is their commitment to making decisions and seeing them through to completion before sharing their plans with others. They embody the idea that actions speak louder than words.
In this context of being “unbothered”, there’s an emphasis on carrying out tasks quietly and allowing one’s results to speak for themselves. It involves refraining from excessive explanations or justifications for one’s actions or inactions. This approach acknowledges the power of proof and demonstrates that when you have tangible evidence of your accomplishments, there’s no need for grand proclamations.
If you aspire to be an “unbothered” person, consider cultivating the habit of getting things done without drawing undue attention to your efforts. Let the results of your actions be the testament to your capabilities and intentions. This approach not only conveys a sense of confidence and competence but also maintains a sense of humility and authenticity.
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UNDERSTAND THAT THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU
There is something called “the spotlight effect”. This is when someone thinks that everyone is paying a lot of attention to them, their appearance, behaviour or mistakes, when in reality, they are not.
It’s like feeling like you’re in the spotlight, but others may not notice you as much as you think. This can lead to self-consciousness and social anxiety, as people may feel more self-aware and anxious in social situations due to the exaggerated belief that others are constantly scrutinizing them.
The spotlight effect is one of the reasons why so many people don’t reach their fullest potential in life. The thought of “what will people say” has held so many people back from truly being unbothered and being their greatest self.
When you understand that the world does not revolve around you, and that people are busy and focused on their own lives, then you can stop limiting yourself and your dream.
Being unbothered is allowing yourself to go out and pursue those dreams, make those mistakes, learn, unlearn and relearn and bloom into the best and most beautiful version of yourself.
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UNPLUG AND DISCONNECT
In our digital age, it’s easy to get caught up in social media and the constant barrage of information. Take time to disconnect and unplug from the online world. This will help you create space for more meaningful, real-world experiences and reduce the importance of the things that don’t matter.
You should also disconnect from people, spaces and experiences that poses as unnecessary distractions, opinions and worries.
Prioritize your well-being, goals and relationships that brings positivity. By letting go and unplugging from what doesn’t matter, you’ll find peace and clarity, allowing you to live a more content and fulfilled life.
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DON’T TRY TO PLEASE EVERYBODY
Being unbothered by not being a people pleaser can be liberating and fun. First, embrace your inner unicorn of authenticity. Recognize that it is impossible to please everyone all the time.
It can be very depressing and unsettling trying to be in everyone’s good book. You easily become a push around and people tend to overstep boundaries because why not! You won’t and can’t do anything about it because miss people’s pleaser wants to make everyone happy.
You are not Santa Claus, and cannot make everyone happy. The only person you should try to make happy is yourself. Focus on self-approval rather than seeking constant validation from others. Surround yourself with supporting friends who appreciate you for who you are and won’t make you box yourself up to fit their idea of an ideal person.
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LOVE YOURSELF
This is the greatest gift you can give to yourself. I am a sucker for self-love and self-care because when your cup is overflowing, then will you be able to bless those around you. When you love yourself well enough, you are unbothered about external influences and opinions about you.
An unbothered person does not get worked up about what people says about her, because she loves herself enough not to inconvenience her mental health with outside opinions that do not matter or add to her life.
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PRACTICE GRATITUDE
Focusing on the positive aspects of your life can help you put things into perspective. Regularly practicing gratitude can remind you of the things that truly matter and help you appreciate the abundance in your life. This can shift your focus away from the trivial concerns and helps you focus on what matters the most.
Incorporating gratitude as a way of life is one of the best things you can do for yourself. It helps you see and appreciate the good in your life, and opens way for more good things to come.
In conclusion, mastering the art of being unbothered involves a shift in mindset and a conscious effort to let go of the things that don’t matter. By identifying your priorities, practicing mindfulness, accepting imperfection, and choosing your battles wisely, you can find greater peace and contentment in your life.
Remember, it’s a journey, and with time and practice, you can become a master of being unbothered.
I hope that this blog post has helped shaped your mindset to embrace the freedom and tranquility that comes with being an unbothered person and living your life for you and not for others.
Until my next one, remain UNBOTHERED!
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